Thoughts of a 40+ year old self-employed stay-at-home Mum

Since hitting the big 40 {and more} I’ve become more contemplative. Typical thoughts that seem to linger for much longer in my mind include where the biz is heading, what to do with creative ideas, where is my “career” going now that the kids are a bit bigger and at school. Often a little panic descends during quiet seasons in the biz and I feel lost in my thoughts, drowning in what I feel to be a very deep, turbulent and demanding sea of social media just to keep on top of it all and I often feel very defeated by. I frequently imagine myself throwing in the towel. Truth be told, not just frequently but in the past couple of years it’s most days.

But of course I can’t. There are many bills to pay and I’d like my kids to continue their piano and ballet lessons. And then I consider possible “options” before me which include my passion for art and design which I’ve always been scared trying to make a living out of and still am, or specialising only in weddings but I love families and kids too albeit never the easiest to photograph, or going back into teaching working many hours but what about my kids and childcare and running the household? I think it’s fair to say the 40-ish hormones are getting to me and I feel like I’m at a crossroads.

I’m not sure why I’m blogging this but for today at least I’m pushing on through the haze. Tomorrow is a new day and hopefully plenty of sunshine seeps through. I’m grateful everyday for life, my family and love. Trusting, hoping and loving, of which the latter is the greatest.